On Being Vulnerable

When I woke up this morning, I reached for Instagram to prevent me from hitting snooze and falling back asleep. (You might currently be frowning at me for turning to social media so early in the morning, but believe me when I tell you that it actually does help me wake up.) After doing a scroll-through of all of the posts, I started going through stories. The very first one I saw was a friend asking for his friends' opinions on what vulnerability is and why it is important in the context of a relationship. I loved thinking about vulnerability enough that I decided to share my thoughts with you.

Brene Brown will always and forever come to the forefront of my mind when I hear the word "vulnerability." If you haven't at least heard her TED talk, please go watch it here. It will be some of the best 20 minutes of your day. She has also written a few books, Daring Greatly being the only one that I've been able to read so far. 

Now that I've put in my plug for Brene Brown, let's talk about what vulnerability is for a second. In Dr. Brown's own words, "vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." In my own words, I believe that vulnerability is being real with yourself and with others, being open and honest and raw. Vulnerability is so dang scary and requires a hefty amount of courage, or at least an attempt at courage. 

To me, vulnerability means putting myself out there. It means taking risks that I normally probably wouldn't take (if you know me at all, you know that I am not a risk taker). It means opening up to the possibility of failure. It means maybe showing weakness and definitely admitting it a little. It means being more open today than I was yesterday. It means honest and real communication. 

Can you see why most people don't like being vulnerable?

I think that we have taken the word vulnerable and created it into this connotation of weakness. If you hear of a knight in shining armor being vulnerable, you automatically think that he's got a weak spot, the kind of spot that the fire-breathing dragon could shoot fire at. Think of this knight in shining armor in another context though. The knight in shining armor usually doesn't know the princess. He puts himself out there and risks his life just for the chance to have his happily ever after. If that's not being vulnerable, I don't know what is. 

Think of the friendship you share with your best friend. You probably feel comfortable opening up to them about almost anything right? Guess what? That's being vulnerable. If you have an established friendship, being vulnerable probably doesn't feel like being vulnerable with them anymore. When you first started being friends and sharing your thoughts with them it required vulnerability. Any relationship usually requires some degree of vulnerability. Sometimes it's easy and a lot of times it's hard. I hardly ever feel more vulnerable than I do when I'm starting a new relationship. Why? I'm taking a step into the unknown. I'm sharing my feelings and oh so hoping that the person I'm sharing them to shares them back. I'm putting myself in the position of potentially failing, and I absolutely hate failing. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. And that's okay.

There seem to be so many examples in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon particularly, of people admitting their weakness. Nephi admitted weakness, Enos admitted his weakness, Alma admitted weakness. Moroni most prominently admitted his weakness in Ether 12, expressing his fear that future generations reading what he had written would mock at his weakness. God gently reminded him, "if [you] humble [yourself] before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong" (see Ether 12:27). We have weaknesses so that we can learn from them and grow them into strengths, and God will be right there every step of the way as we do so.

Everyone has weaknesses. Let me repeat that. Everyone has weaknesses. You are not alone in having weaknesses. There is power in being vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable opens the door to increased happiness and joy and progress and all things good. It may be heartbreaking. It may be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do. But in the end it is worth it. Even if you don't come out on the other side with the desired outcome, you'll still have something to gain from the experience. 

Bless us all that we may learn to be more vulnerable.

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The Update: Finding My Meaning and Fulfillment

Work started up again yesterday, and now I am back into the full swing of things! While I did enjoy having almost three weeks to myself, I am a definitely a girl who loves structure. Clearly, my goal to blog every day did not happen, but I did blog more than normal. I also struggled to meet some of my other goals, but I came out with a list of things that fulfill me and add meaning to my life, which was the main point. All in all, I'd consider my "project" to be a success. Here's how it all shaped out.

- Aim for 30 minutes of gospel study each day. This didn't quite happen. I still made time for the gospel every day, but most of the time it wasn't for 30 minutes. I still had some great experiences though.

- Answer one list of getting to know me questions every day. I did enjoy this at first, but then it became a chore, so I dropped it. Oh well. 

- Learn something new. I had planned to get on Skillshare. That did eventually happen, but not until Monday. Success? You decide. Or don't, because you know, this is my project after all.

- Blog every day. We've already established this wasn't something I did very good at. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do as far as blogging is concerned.

- Spend time doing things I enjoy. I think I definitely did that. I went on a road trip that involved camping and hiking and two national/state parks. I read, I watched Gilmore Girls, I exercised. I think all of those things definitely qualify.

- Read one new book. Sadly, this did not happen. I'm still looking for any recommendations you may have though!

- Improve my athletic training knowledge. This didn't happen the way I planned, but with school starting again, I've found myself working on a new certification. Definitely counts. 

- Embrace my likes and dislikes. Done!

I've thought a lot about where I am in life and who I am and what I am like. I have to say, I am happy to be me. I'm proud of who I am and where I've gotten, and I feel so blessed to be me. I know that there are people out there who may not be able to say that about themselves, which makes me all the more grateful for that self-confidence (for lack of a better word). 

I was able to come up with a small list of things that bring fulfillment and meaning into my life:

1. The gospel of Jesus Christ + feeling the Holy Ghost

2. Being physically active

3. Being creative.

4. Spending time with other people (which sounds a little funny, coming from a solid introvert)

5. Reading

6. Being productive

Here's to living MY best life. 

Also, a couple of things I'm loving lately, for my/your enjoyment. 

The new journaling edition of the Book of Mormon from Line Upon Line. I just got my beautiful book yesterday, and I can't wait to read it!

I also found (thanks to Line Upon Line) a gorgeous General Conference study guide from Work and Wonder. This workbook/study guide is geared specifically toward this coming October 2018 General Conference. I just ordered it yesterday, and I am so excited for it to come!

I get the occasional email from Bloglovin', highlighting different blog posts from around the web. I tend not to read them very quickly, leaving them to pile up in my inbox until I dedicate some time to reading the ones that catch my eye. I'm not really spending money right now (besides the general conference workbook), but if I did, you can bet I'd be buying one of these bags. I might have a small bag/purse obsession.

Thanks for stopping by! Happy hump day!

Find Your People

Clearly I haven't been blogging as regularly as I said I would, but I have been blogging more frequently than usual, so that is progress. I struggle knowing what I should write, wondering what I have to say that people would be interested in reading. What draws me into different blogs, however, is when the author writes about their life. I love it when my favorite bloggers write about themselves, what they are doing, what they think about various things, their life experiences, etc. I most appreciate it when the writing is real and I feel like I can connect with them on some level. It's when bloggers are trying to promote products continuously or putting on a show for their readers that I become turned off by the blog. You can see what I mean if you visit Hannah Emily Lane, Wit & Delight, or A Well-Spent Day. If you care, that is. One of these days, maybe I'll put more consideration into my blog. For now, though, I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with it. I hate constantly posting on Facebook and Instagram that I've blogged so that people will go read it. I also want what I write to be relatable to the people that do read it. Any ideas?

Today I want to give a quick shout-out to my people. I'm not going to name names, but I do want to talk about how important it is to have your people. 

I am so blessed to be surrounded by truly incredible people. Each of the people in my life that I spend time with are people who lift me and inspire me and have all been there for me in one way or another. I have been raised (whether it was consciously done or not) to have people in my life that I can depend on and trust, people that I am there for and that are there for me. I am tremendously blessed in the family department, both immediate and extended. I am also extremely blessed to have incredible friends. It is so important to find friends that are there for you and support you in what you are doing. To flip that around, I also believe that it is important to have friends that you are willing to be there for and that you support in what they are doing. My friends are people that I truly love. 

Find your people and make them a priority. In my experience, meaningful relationships make my life much more meaningful and fulfilling, especially when I devote time to them. 

Happy Saturday. 

A picture of flowers, just because I love them.

Life Experiences: Buying a Car

Yesterday I took took a giant step into real adulthood and bought a car! I'm still amazed at how quickly it happened - I applied for a loan and found the car all in the same day. Before I bought it, I struggled to understand the process of actually buying a used car. There have been several moments in my life where the process seems too lengthy or too much out of my comfort zone (like getting my driver's license, applying to the athletic training program, going to grad school) and I wonder if I'll ever actually do it. This was one of those moments, but the process ended up being much easier than I thought! 

Buying a car was actually a bit of a confidence boost for me. I was able to prove to myself yet again that I can do hard things (buying a car may not actually be all that difficult, but it sure seemed like it beforehand). I learned that there are always people there to help you out, people who know much more than I do. I couldn't have done it without both of my parents and the people at the bank (whom I called or visited three times yesterday to get everything figured out); plus the sweet lady I worked with at the DMV was just the icing on the cake. She was seriously so sweet and made me feel even more confident and like I've got life figured out (which I don't, I promise). 

This car buying process actually ties in quite nicely to my thoughts from Sister Joy D. Jones' BYU Education Week devotional. She talked a lot about enticements and how we react to them. We must act rather than react, as we've all heard before. I walked away from the devotional struck by two thoughts:

Every experience is an opportunity for spiritual growth.

My life depends largely on my perspective.

I loved loved loved her talk. I'm still trying to figure out how to find spiritual growth in every experience, but I believe her completely that we have constant opportunities to grow spiritually. If I stop and think about this car buying experience, I have learned that God is always looking out for us (being able to buy this car was a definite tender mercy. Everything fell into place so perfectly). He answers our prayers not just with feelings but with life circumstances and experiences. He places people in our path to guide us and teach us along the way.

I think that if I can work on both learning how to spiritually progress from seemingly ordinary/non-spiritual experiences and shift my perspective to a more eternal/grand-scheme-of-things one, I will be well on my way toward a more meaningful and fulfilled life.

Happy Thursday!

Creativity

I definitely spaced blogging both yesterday and Sunday. I realized I forgot to write as I got into bed each night, but one of the rules I set at the beginning of this was that if I didn't want to do it, I didn't have to. I'm back and ready to roll today though!

Today I'm very intrigued by the concept of creativity. Not that anything in my life today has been notably creative; I've just been doing basic adult life things. I've been thinking a little bit about creativity though, and it amazes me that the essence of creativity is bringing something to existence that wasn't there before. It's unique to everyone - the idea may be the same but the process and result will be different. Hamilton wouldn't be Hamilton without Lin Manuel Miranda. The music of Queen wouldn't be what it is without each member of the band. You get what I'm saying, right? It just amazes me. 

That's all I've got for you today. We're talking enticements and agency and experiences. 

See you then!

Farmers' Markets

It's been a pretty quiet day around here. My roommate and I are in the process of moving (shout out to having family living close by that are willing to help out), so that's consumed most of our day. We like to add a little excitement to our lives, though, so we've started going to the local farmers' market!

If you live around Provo, the farmers' market on Center Street is the best. One of my favorite things in life is street markets (which is probably why I loved Argentina and Chile so much), and Provo definitely delivers. The staples are there, of course; you can't have a farmers' market without fresh produce and homemade goodies! Several local artisans and a few businesses like to set up shop there as well and it just makes my heart so happy. So far I've bought ebelskivers (Danish pancakes that are nothing like our pancakes), fresh peaches (yum!), and cinnamon & sugar pita chips. It's become a Saturday morning tradition. I highly recommend stopping by. 

I'm not saying that going to a farmers' market is what brings meaning and fulfillment to my life, but in a way I am. Farmers' markets are something I really enjoy. Part of my project includes embracing myself and doing things that I love, both of which are very fulfilling and bring joy to my life. Even though today was very practical and there were things I had to get done, I still took the time to do something for me. So, I'd say that day three was a success! 

More Than I Bargained For

Here we are, day 2, and I already tried something new and way outside of my comfort zone.

Today is my dad's birthday. He loves donating platelets and he's always after the rest of our family to give blood. My stake just happened to be having a blood drive today, so I decided to donate blood for the first time as my birthday gift to him. Oh, what an adventure we had.

Before I get into the story, I'd like to share a few things I learned from the experience. 1. Eating a full meal before donating is very important. 2. Drinking water and being well hydrated before donating is very important. 3. Don't turn down the Red Cross workers when they offer you snacks and drinks.

Based on those three things, you can probably guess what happened today. No, I didn't pass out, but I came very, very close. The needle was much bigger than I was expecting (anyone who tells you that donating blood is similar to having your blood drawn is lying) and of course I made the mistake of watching it go in (because I had been told donating blood = blood draw and I'm totally fine with having my blood drawn). I got a strong head rush as soon as that needle slid into my vein. I got nauseous after a minute or two, then very nauseous. They had to lay me down and give me cool, wet cloths to put on my forehead and neck. I was so hot and clammy and sweaty and I couldn't wait for it to be over. 

Angels do exist, my friends, and some of them exist in the form of the Red Cross phlebotomists. I was so blessed to have the cutest phlebotomist at my side pretty soon after I got really nauseous. She talked to me so that I wouldn't pass out and got me juice and pretzels and she was just so sweet. Bless her, bless her, bless her. My poor dad was in the middle of a meeting over the phone (he arranged it so he could come with me to the donation appointment) and was trying to help me out while paying attention to the meeting. Nevertheless, I'm so glad he came with me.

I made it through giving a whole pint of blood. There was no way I was going to end the donation early if it meant that they couldn't use my blood (I didn't know that was a thing either until today), so I stuck it out. I'm so glad I did, but mostly I'm so, so glad it's over so that I never have to do it again. (Never say never, of course, but those are my current feelings about donating blood.)

There is photographic proof that I donated, but for now I don't think the internet needs to see me in all of my white-as-a-sheet, I-look-like-a-corpse glory. Maybe if you ask really nicely I might think about showing it to you. Unless, of course, you get to my dad first. 

Happy birthday, dad. Thanks for pushing me to do something totally outside of my comfort zone that might actually help to save lives. You're pretty great, and I'm so blessed to have you as my dad.