On Being Vulnerable

When I woke up this morning, I reached for Instagram to prevent me from hitting snooze and falling back asleep. (You might currently be frowning at me for turning to social media so early in the morning, but believe me when I tell you that it actually does help me wake up.) After doing a scroll-through of all of the posts, I started going through stories. The very first one I saw was a friend asking for his friends' opinions on what vulnerability is and why it is important in the context of a relationship. I loved thinking about vulnerability enough that I decided to share my thoughts with you.

Brene Brown will always and forever come to the forefront of my mind when I hear the word "vulnerability." If you haven't at least heard her TED talk, please go watch it here. It will be some of the best 20 minutes of your day. She has also written a few books, Daring Greatly being the only one that I've been able to read so far. 

Now that I've put in my plug for Brene Brown, let's talk about what vulnerability is for a second. In Dr. Brown's own words, "vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." In my own words, I believe that vulnerability is being real with yourself and with others, being open and honest and raw. Vulnerability is so dang scary and requires a hefty amount of courage, or at least an attempt at courage. 

To me, vulnerability means putting myself out there. It means taking risks that I normally probably wouldn't take (if you know me at all, you know that I am not a risk taker). It means opening up to the possibility of failure. It means maybe showing weakness and definitely admitting it a little. It means being more open today than I was yesterday. It means honest and real communication. 

Can you see why most people don't like being vulnerable?

I think that we have taken the word vulnerable and created it into this connotation of weakness. If you hear of a knight in shining armor being vulnerable, you automatically think that he's got a weak spot, the kind of spot that the fire-breathing dragon could shoot fire at. Think of this knight in shining armor in another context though. The knight in shining armor usually doesn't know the princess. He puts himself out there and risks his life just for the chance to have his happily ever after. If that's not being vulnerable, I don't know what is. 

Think of the friendship you share with your best friend. You probably feel comfortable opening up to them about almost anything right? Guess what? That's being vulnerable. If you have an established friendship, being vulnerable probably doesn't feel like being vulnerable with them anymore. When you first started being friends and sharing your thoughts with them it required vulnerability. Any relationship usually requires some degree of vulnerability. Sometimes it's easy and a lot of times it's hard. I hardly ever feel more vulnerable than I do when I'm starting a new relationship. Why? I'm taking a step into the unknown. I'm sharing my feelings and oh so hoping that the person I'm sharing them to shares them back. I'm putting myself in the position of potentially failing, and I absolutely hate failing. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. And that's okay.

There seem to be so many examples in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon particularly, of people admitting their weakness. Nephi admitted weakness, Enos admitted his weakness, Alma admitted weakness. Moroni most prominently admitted his weakness in Ether 12, expressing his fear that future generations reading what he had written would mock at his weakness. God gently reminded him, "if [you] humble [yourself] before me, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong" (see Ether 12:27). We have weaknesses so that we can learn from them and grow them into strengths, and God will be right there every step of the way as we do so.

Everyone has weaknesses. Let me repeat that. Everyone has weaknesses. You are not alone in having weaknesses. There is power in being vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable opens the door to increased happiness and joy and progress and all things good. It may be heartbreaking. It may be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do. But in the end it is worth it. Even if you don't come out on the other side with the desired outcome, you'll still have something to gain from the experience. 

Bless us all that we may learn to be more vulnerable.

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